Wednesday, June 3, 2015

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent so don't ever give it.

Recently, my mother's health took a turn for the worse. She got severely dehydrated and is now in a care center where she's being "rehabilitated." This week she gets to come home, and we are excited about this prospect. My experience with the private world of care centers though has definitely been negative. The few times I've visited mom there (she is in another state so I have to take time off of work to travel) I've been very disappointed at what we've been getting for the price of $8,000 a month. For this huge amount of money, the meals that I fed my mom via spoon included essentially tilapia, sloppy joes, and mac and cheese. All of these are cheap cheap meals. My dad has been feeding her twice a day for a while now, going diligently to the care center to spoon food into my mom's mouth. She's gained some strength, can talk now when she wants to, and when I was there just over a week ago, she cleaned her plate (and I mean she ate everything).

Well a few days ago the care center called and said they wanted to put mom on a feeding tube. Absolutely not. No way. You know why they asked this? Because they are lazy. They don't want to feed mom. It's not part of the $8,000 a month. I just am flabbergasted. I can't say how angry our aging health care system makes me. I wanted to drive up there, haul those nurses out into the parking lot, and beat them with a rod. They are crooks, the whole lot of them, who just want to get by with the bare minimum effort and get paid handsomely for it until a person dies.

I'm so glad mom is going to be able to come home, where I've made the house she's used to living in handicap accessible by getting a ramp installed. I've also hired a full-time care provider that will be attentive (singularly) to mom's dietary needs and who will feed mom (by spoon not tube) specially prepared dishes that mirror what she is used to eating (my mom is Japanese). None of that cheap mac and cheese crap and the cheapest ground beef mixed with Manwich.

My mom has lived a long and difficult life, and it angers me that there are vultures just circling in the healthcare system that want to rob old people of all the money and resources they've accumulated in a lifetime. My telling that care center "absolutely not" on the feeding tube reminds me of a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." My mom survived Tokyo being fire bombed in World War 2. She survived moving to a foreign country where she knew no one and was expected to raise a family around strangers a world away from her two brothers. And this is how it's supposed to end? With a feeding tube stuck down her throat, wearing a diaper that's full of crap because the nurses only change the diaper twice a day at specified times, and in a wheelchair under a flickering fluorescent light bulb? This is what $8,000.00 a month buys? Are you f'ing kidding me? It's highway robbery, and the people that own this care center drive expensive cars and live like the 1% live everywhere. It's such bullshit.

Maybe you can take that quote and make something of it. Maybe it's applicable to this month's Insecure Writer's Support group. No one can make any of us feel inferior without consent. So don't ever give consent. Force people to be accountable and expose the con artists in any industry who are trying to exploit honest, hard working people (whether it be in publishing or in health care). Report fraud, fight back with lawsuits, and don't ever be anyone else's doormat. And if you possibly can, stand up for someone else that doesn't have the means to defend themselves anymore.

19 comments:

  1. That is criminal! And inhumane. What are you paying for? Your mother deserves her dignity.
    Well said. Don't give people consent.

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  2. That sounds horrible. At least now she can come home.

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  3. I'm going through this with my mother too. She's got alzheimer's and was getting to the point where we thought she'd have to go in for care soon. We're finding, too, that home care is not only more humane but also cheaper than the 6K a month memory care where she'd just be warehoused with other old people. It's a heartbreaking experience some days.

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  4. Oh how sad for your mom. Those people have no business working in health care. I worry about this very topic and my Dad. He’s still independent and lives on his own, but that’s won’t always be the case….. Anyway, I'm glad your mom gets to go back home. She's lucky you and your family are looking out for her. I wish western countries treated their elderly better. The way cultures treat their elderly can tell you a lot about what they value the most.

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  5. Hugs. I'm sorry your family and you have been going through this. The healthcare system overall is fraud. They send you 500 bills for one thing and claim they're all different. Vet bills are a rip off too. However they can scam us out of every cent we have. I'm glad your mom can go home. We need better care for all of us.

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  6. I'm so sorry to read this but also sadly not surprised given the experience we had when my father was briefly in a care center. That whole industry is a farce in my book and it's disgraceful. So glad your mother is going to be able to come home.

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  8. I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through. It sounds like you have a good plan hiring help for her at home. In general, I believe in keeping them home as long as possible is the best thing. Good for you standing up to them.

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  9. What a great quote! Glad that your mom is almost back home. How difficult a situation that must be. Hope you have a productive writing month!

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  10. UNSPEAKABLE.... So glad you stood up to them, Michael. This is an OUTRAGE...

    My parents died young, so I was spared this injustice, but It is certainly an appalling situation.

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  11. Should be a crime. I can't believe we treat our elderly this way. Like discarded trash. Pisses me off.

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  12. It is ironic that the very people who are supposed to be care givers and are supposed to be like angels for people who are suffering turn out to be so careless and cruel. Older people are just as vulnerable as children and should be taken care of very gently and sincerely. They need love and attention and .encouragement at the same time.
    I am glad that she will be coming home soon and will be in good hands. You are a very good son and your parents are blessed.

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  13. Hi, Michael, I can't think of anyone who wouldn't be outraged at the scenario you've just described. It's terrible that people will collect money, but provide nothing for the service they're supposed to give. \

    I'm happy your mother is well enough to be at home, so you can give her better care.

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  14. Yikes, is there a place you can report this place? It's amazing how awful some of these places are. You'd think that those who get into this line of work would be, I don't know, caring. Wanting to help people. Geez.

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  15. You are a very good son, Michael, and I'm so glad your mother can come home and receive humane, decent care for no doubt a whole lot less than $8,000 a month. That cost is obscene, and so is our health care delivery system. I'm a lot like you: if that were my mother, I'd be beating up the nurses in the parking lot too. But I would definitely take out the owners.

    This country has the only remaining for-profit health care in the world, and the result is a disaster: When Taiwan decided to establish a national heath care system, they used the American one as a bad example: whatever we were doing, they wouldn't do. The result: now they have good, solid, universal health care system for half the cost of the U.S.'s. For all our sakes, we have got to radically reform our health care.

    Meanwhile, I wish you and your family peace and happiness. Your mother will be so much better under her family's care.

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  16. That's awful that these healthcare workers are cutting corners with your mom's care. I can see why you'd be upset. I have a feeling your mom will be much more comfortable staying with you.





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  17. You are a good advocate for your mother Michael. Good for you. The health care system does seem like robbery, especially where the elderly are concerned.

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  18. Thinking "long time no see," I picked a good time to come visit. We just got back from Japan where I spent a whole afternoon crying at the Hiroshima peace memorial. My son's girlfriend, our tour guide, is Japanese and from Fukuyama, near Hiroshima. We didn't get to meet her mom, but her dad was very nice even though we couldn't speak the same language. My mom and stepdad were moved into assisted living in March because he got lymphoma, and she is so depressed there. At least my 3 sisters live near enough to visit and monitor things, but I'm so angry in your behalf that I wish I could do something to make a difference. If start a petition on change.org, I'll sign. Don't know if it will help a lot, but it will sure publicize the problem.

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  19. Oh, Michael, I'm so sorry for your experience. It will definitely be better to have her where you have a lot more control. I agree with you about our broken health care system. I wish there was the will to fix it. I wish you the best getting her settled.

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